If only the pain would go away then I could help all my family that need me. I know you will all say its my fault for the pain I am in at the moment but when your family needs you, you just go and deal with it.

After a couple of days with my daughter in London who looks after me like a Queen I am still in a mess with terrible lumber pain today but I am soooooo glad I went. She had a very bad night on Sunday with pain and I will be anxious now until her operation in December but with her partner away on business I decided to go down and stay with her for a couple of days.

London is always the same with anyone and everyone in what seems like a rush to get from a to b and although my daughter carries everything for me and sees me onto the tube, I still find it exhausting.

When I got home yesterday afternoon I just collapsed as I felt so tired and didn't phone my Dad until this morning and now I feel really guilty as he was not impressed that I had not phoned him last night but I just didn't have the energy to even talk.

I feel like I'm being torn from pillar to post and just feel that if only the pain would go away I could help both Dad and my daughter at a time when they both need me so much. I've got the social services assessing Dad again today and am awaiting her phone call to me to tell me how things have gone on but really the only way I can look after Dad is if he came to me for some rest bite, but I just can't seem to convince him of it.

My daughter would never ask for help (she's just like me) but I know when she needs it and being closer to home would be just great but you can't help where you all live. A friend has just sent me an email which I just had to put here as so much of it is so true ............

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The
Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to
90 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey
is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is
up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an
answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't
save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness, but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will
this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone, everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did
or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd
grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
It's estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,
forward this with the title '7%'. I'm in the 7%. Remember that I will
always share my spoon with you! Friends are the family that we choose for
ourselves.

I am sure you will all agree. Thank you my online friends for the support you have given me since starting this blog.